So they’re going to run a race over the Harbour Bridge. Well they would, wouldn’t they? The thing is completely flat — perfect for those Sydney squibs.
A race over Melbourne’s Bolte Bridge, on the other hand — there’s a test for thoroughbred and jockey.
It would begin with a Rowley Mile-style rise and end with a downhill helter-skelter.
Think of the late sectionals. Talk about your benchmark spikes.
The jockeys, meanwhile, will need to be on their toes to ensure they take the correct exit and avoid Charlie Swan-style embarrassment — an even greater danger now they’ve added a fourth lane and a number of confusing arrows.
You don’t want them doing the presentations on Kings Way and you’re halfway to Geelong.
My proposal is that the Bolte Bridge race simply be called The Bolt. Ideally, we’d get Usain out to present the trophy.
If he wants too much money we’ll just have to go with Andrew. Half a dozen chocolate crackles and a can of Fanta should get the deal done there.
Clearly, the marketing and hospitality potential of The Bolt would be sky-high.
Passenger cabins on the Melbourne Star, for example, could serve as mini marquees.
Admittedly only those at the top of the ferris wheel when the race is run would get to see it, but most carnival marquee goers don’t seem too fussed whether they see the races or not, so it shouldn’t be a deal-breaker.
The scheduling will obviously be crucial. I’m thinking a Friday arvo at about four o’clock.
Sure, there might be a bit of traffic disruption, but that won’t worry Melburnian motorists, who are renowned for their patience.
Just look at the way they welcome the Grand Prix to the city each March.